Go-Go Mommy

In Support of Friends

I just learned two very important things today. First, a friend informed me that an ex-coworker and friend of ours has just been diagnosed with IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer) this past week. And second, as I went directly to Toddler Planet to review "Why Mommy's" information on IBC, I learned that she just received a clean bill of health after her long battle with IBC.

Both pieces of news rocked me to my core. Both have shown me the fragility of life.

I hope everyone can take the time to visit Why Mommy's site and please share your positive vibes with each woman.

Here's a BIG HUG to all the woman warriors that we all know!

Girlfriend please... talk to me when you're 40!

So I'm not 40...yet. And I won't tell you exactly how many years I am away from 40 either but I do have some to go. Still, I am coming upon my own "nearing 40" revelation and I need help with an interesting dilemma.

Here's the situation: I'm going to a wedding right after the New Year. It doesn't seem so bad at first, I mean, Sweet Pea just turned a year so I've still got a few months to loose the last pesky 10 lbs. that have been hanging on. Also, I haven't been the best at working out to "tone" myself but there's still time, right?

The problem I have is that although I'm attending the wedding of my husband's good friend since high school and we're all around the same age, his fiance is not. She's younger, her friends are younger... much younger, actually much, much younger. Now, I'm the youngest in a big family so I've never really had to think about "looking old." After all, all of my brothers, sisters, and cousins, are all older. Therefore, as the youngest, I naturally go about my business without thinking about how old I look.

The shocking realization is that I now may have to eat crow and actually give more than a passing thought to the issue of "how I look." Back when my husband and I met (and believe me it was a while ago) at 19, I got on my soapbox quite often and "aging" was one of my favorite topics. I spoke about how women as they age put too much concern into their looks. That as we age, we should be proud of those "laugh lines" - after all, they show how much joy we have gotten out of life! That trips to the plastic surgeon or other doctors for "treatments" were totally unnecessary. Yada, yada, yada.

So now that I'll be surrounded by Gen Y, is it time for a "procedure" myself? Do I hear the muse of microdermabrasion calling? A quick chemical peal or dare I say - botox? (By the way I'm still really creeped out by botox: both wanting it and seeing the actual results on some women who should never have gotten it.)

I guess the question is: Do I want to go to the reception and hear "She looks great!" or "She looks great for her age."? After all, clothes and accessories only hide so much.

Ah, how easy it is when you're 19!

Cross-posted on Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

Another sort of Mommy-Guilt.

My husband, KB, and I are celebrating our 7th year here in Silicon Valley. Wahoo!! We love it tremendously and it has a been a very good move for us. Great in fact! We have truly found our home. At the same time, since we've been here our family has grown to include 3.5 year old Poppy and just-about-to-turn-one year old Sweet Pea. Needless to say, that is where the guilt enters the picture.

Usually being so far away from our families is not so bad. In my case, being the youngest in a big family, it gives me my "breathing room." At other times, like now, I'm sorry I was born Catholic.

The girls and I just got back from visiting with both sides of the family in the Midwest. This was a terrific visit for Poppy and her cousin, R. They had a great time playing together and even though R is about 5 years older than Poppy, they seemed to be more like sisters during this visit. In fact, both girls had their first "sleep over" and then they had a second playdate since they wanted more time together. Ugh! Mommy translation: "This would happen all the time and the girls would really know each other more as cousins if we lived closer, say not 3500 miles away."

As if that wasn't bad enough, Sweet Pea is "cruising" and she took her first independent steps while we were at my parents house. Of course they were in their glory and I was more than happy that they witnessed this important milestone. The guilt came later that day when the girls and I went out to lunch with my parents and we drove by the first house that my husband and I ever owned. As we drove by, it was exciting for me to explain to Poppy that mommy and daddy planted the landscaping that was still there and thriving. And it was mommy who installed the matching porch light and mailbox that were still on the house. Then I heard my dad in the front seat say under his breath "Yeah, and we could see you guys whenever we wanted to." Ouch! Yet another splash of guilt.

While it helps that I am now a SAHM so I have enough time to visit with the girls, we also have to juggle planning these trips on a single-income budget. The old "double-edged sword" theory. So I'm wondering - how do you do it? I know that there are a ton of other parents out here in Silicon Valley in exactly our situation. What are your secrets for avoiding the family guilt?

Crossposted on Silicon Valley Mom's Blog as JB.

A Day of Respect

Today it is time. Time to look back and remember our past. Time to remember family, friends, co-workers and heroes both named and un-named. Time to open ourselves to the many feelings that will be a part of our day today.

We will never forget our history, we will never forget our community, and will will never let go of our resilience. Here is my moment, thank you for taking yours.