Go-Go Mommy

My Pre-Mother's Day Anxiety Attack

I'm sitting here not knowing what to do and almost literally "wringing my hands". No, tiny droplets of glistening dots are not forming above my upper lip and around my hairline because I live in Florida and it's 85 degrees with 110% humidity. And no, it's not because I forgot to pay the Comcast bill and I'm afraid that my DVR will be cut off from recording this week's American Idol shows (besides, I've forgotten to pay before and the only thing that happens is that I get double the bill the next month - no worries).

Give up? Okay, I'll tell you. It's because apparently Mother's Day has visited our household a week early and I was not prepared for it. Well, I know it's not officially Mother's Day at the Go-Go Mommy household because I didn't get breakfast in bed (which was my request for this year) and I didn't get any homemade cards from Poppy and Sweet Pea. But it feels like Mother's Day because this morning KB put all the dirty dishes into the dishwasher (and there was a pile from last night that I just didn't get to) and took the girls to the park so I could "have some alone time."

Oh I enjoyed about the first twenty minutes or so of it. I decided to be lazy and lie on the couch with a cozy blanket and watch an old black and white Dorsey Brothers movie that was playing while I knitted my Mother's Day gift for my mommy. Then, I started getting restless so I thought that I'd better get up so I would have time for a shower followed by a pampering bath before everyone got home.

Things were going along well, I got to shower in peace without someone coming in wanting something to drink, needing to brush teeth, etc. And then I lazily settled into the warm bath water with thoughts of putting on my new hip outfit (courtesy of a Heritage 1981 shopping spree I recently treated myself to for spring/summer clothes), and lovingly slicing bananas and strawberries for KB and the girls so we could have a quick snack before heading out to our Farmers Market.

Ahhh. My world was perfect - just the right amount of time to myself to catch my breath and then get back on my white charger so I can save my family from their hunger. I was out of the bath and ready to dry my hair when the phone rang. The voice on the other end says; "Hey hon, it's me. I just got your car washed and we're heading to the park now so I hope you're getting your rest."

"What?! You're just going to the park now?" I answered. And that's when things started to crumble. "You mean I'm not going to see all of you bounding in the door soon as I'm slicing fruit and doing my best "Mrs. Cleaver" imitation?"; "You mean you were able to take my car to have it washed and cleaned from top to bottom with two little ones running around (a feat which I have yet to accomplish)?" I wanted to say all these things and more but I simply felt my lips moving as the words "Great. I'll see you guys after the park." involuntarily escaped from my mouth.

I hung up the phone and felt my heart beginning to race... where do I begin? Do I go back to working on my knitting? Do I start my birthday project for my sister, "G", who is getting a decorated felted purse that needs to be finished this month? (No one tell her please. She's not on the internet so if she finds out about it I'll know someone blabbed!) Do I get on-line and check my email or write a scathingly snarky blog about mommybloggers who are too attached to their kids? THAT'S IT! I'll be able to write a post about my near miss with an anxiety attack.

What is wrong with me?! Can I be pulled back from the world of Martha Stewart Living? Do I even want to be saved?

These questions, and more, are going through my head as I write this post and then, TA DA, salvation came to me. Not as some cataclysmic realization that I could be using this time to practice my 10 minutes of mindfullness a la Maria Shriver (although that is a good option). Instead, it came in the form of a ringing telephone with KB on the line saying; "Honey, we're here at the park but it's pretty cold and windy so I don't think we'll be here long. We'll see you in about 15 minutes."

Yeah! Mama's back in business! And yippee! I just heard the "beep" of the horn as KB locked the car and Poppy and Sweet Pea are now running up our long walkway to see me! (Ahh, a hug from them is like manna from heaven.)

Look's like it's time for me to go cut up those strawberries and bananas! BTW, I'll be ready for the real Mother's Day next week, KB, I promise!

Original version posted on Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

The Omnipotent Blogger

Is it just me or does everyone else seem to have an extra 3 hours in their day? Everywhere I look lately, I see fellow mommy bloggers who seem to appear everywhere several times a day: daily (or almost daily) blogging, on Facebook, opening Twitter accounts, blogging at important events, organizing life-saving drives, and even sharing recipes/menues on a weekly basis.

It makes me wonder - what the hell am I doing with all the time I have?! I know I must have some time in my day that I'm not using properly because I'm not on Facebook or on Twitter and I still feel lucky just to get through my day with Poppy and Sweet Pea and be semi-coherent enough to put a few thoughts down into a single post at the end of it.

Or is there some sort of Super Woman button that slows time for them that I am missing? If so, where do I sign up for it? I swear if I follow all these women too closely (which I admit I love to do) I'm going to get a serious inferiority complex.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LUV every minute I spend on the computer mostly because I've met some really great women as a result of becoming a member of this crazy and lovable cyberworld. And I'm sure I could expand my network of friends by leaps and bounds if I joined Twitter, but I just can't seem to find the time to get everything done during the day that I would like so I could have time to pursue some of those other interests.

What's the result? Well, I'm deathly afraid that if I do join Facebook, Twitter, and the rest of the networks I feel like I should be on, then I may be found one morning by Poppy (my 4 year old) with my body slumped over our kitchen counter stools, head resting on the computer, and a nice wet pool of saliva (string still attached, of course) ala Ferris Bueller. Scary, I know. Or if not, than maybe I'd find Poppy trying to change Sweet Pea's diaper on her own since I would be stuck in some kind of on-line-social-network time warp for hours; and no one wants to see the results of that one - especially not me!

So sistahs, my question to you is how do you "do it all"? Is there hope for me and others like me? In the meantime, I'll just continue to gaze longingly at you incredible women and be amazed at your non-stop energy. YGGs!

Cross-posted on Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

Here we go again!

If there's one topic that every mother out there can write about it's this one: mommy guilt. Whether you work outside of the house, stay at home, or participate in any combination thereof, it's something that is unavoidable. Granted that "guilty" feeling may stay away for a while and lull us moms into a false sense of security, but soon enough it rears its ugly head and there we are, staring at the elephant in the room.

"Am I doing the best I can do for my child? Am I spending enough time with her? Should I be spending more quantity time or more quality time? Are those mutually exclusive? Should I be staying at home with my daughters or is it better for me to work and give them a chance to socialize with other kids? If I stay at home do they get enough socialization at playdates and organized activities? Should I breastfeed? How will I continue to breastfeed if I go back to work? Am I a bad mother if I can't/don't want to breastfeed?...."

The list goes on and (I imagine) only gets longer as new topics are added as the years go by. School, summer camps, dances, dates.... does it E-V-E-R end?! My guess is - no.

The ironic thing is that this "mommy guilt" topic came up at a time when I was just thinking about my "foodie guilt." I'm no stranger to guilt; I'm Catholic (ie: almost an expert), I've written about it before, etc., but I find my realm of guilt is spreading from "caring for my kids" to "caring about what I feed my hubby and kids."

Sounds normal, doesn't it? Here's the catch: now that I stay at home, I do a lot of cooking and love to treat my family to new recipe finds for dinner. Now, however, the mommy guilt enters and it looks like I have to "step it up" for breakfast.

Last week was my turn to bring a hot breakfast food for my mother's group. I headed straight for my handy "Simple and Delicious" magazine (a year subscription was great and really helped get me started on some new recipies) and found a VERY yummy recipe for a hot breakfast dish: "Baked Apple French Toast."

It was a great recipe where you slice fresh bread into a pan, spread apple pie filling over the slices, top it with another slice of bread, and pour an egg mixture (eggs, vanilla, cinnamon, and nutmeg) over it and let it marinate overnight. As if that's not enough, you top it with a chopped pecan and brown sugar "crumb" and toss it in the oven to bake.

Can't you just smell it cooking?! Well, Poppy did. She came out for breakfast that morning like she was in a Folgers/Maxwell House coffee commercial. (Insert your favorite memory here - I think mine is the one where the son came home from college for the holidays and made coffee with his little sis, then the mom woke up to the lovely aroma of coffee served by none other than her son who she probably hadn't seen since September - sob, sob.)

Poppy: Mmmm, that's smells yummy!

Mommy: Thanks honey. Are you ready for yogurt and toast?

Poppy: Well... I think I'll have that! (Pointing to my bubbling french toast creation in the oven.)

Mommy: Uh, I would love to give that to you but it has to finish baking and then it goes to the mommies today for our meeting.

Poppy: But I want some too!

Mommy: I know. I'm sorry. How about some bagels with the yummy strawberry cream cheese that you love?

Poppy: Well, okay. But mommy, do you think you'll make that for me someday?

(OUCH!)

Welcome mommy guilt - my favorite almost normal state of being!

Cross-posted on Silicon Valley Moms Blog (JB).

A Mom's Confession.

Okay, I admit it. For the past week I have been stuck in some sort of weird, masochistic, sleep-deprivation mode - and it's all my own doing!

I'm not sure where along the line my little evening routine of:
-dinner
-bathe Sweet Pea
-put Sweet Pea down between 6:30-7:30pm
-bathe Poppy
-read Poppy her 1 or 2 nightly stories plus 1 poem, prayers &
then "goodnight Poppy" by 8:30pm to 9:30pm
-do laundry (I've given up cleaning up dinner until the next am since
Sweet Pea is a light sleeper)
-spend next 2 hours, checking email, blogging, ordering groceries on line,
OR sending photos/video on line to relatives while watching
senseless (usually reality) tv
-make it to bed by 11:30pm.

Now, I find myself falling asleep with Poppy at about 9pm. Waking up 45 minutes to an hour later. Feeling "refreshed" enough to not only do 2 loads of laundry but then check email (which is beginning to multiply about as quickly as rabbits, and don't ask me how that happens as a SAHM, I thought I gave that up when I left the "adult work world"), see what's happening on about 3 of my other favorite blogs, send responses to those blogs, get through my 2 email accounts, AND THEN try to get some "recreational" reading done.

All the while I'm doing this, I'm looking at the computer tick-away the minutes, which quickly become hours, and before I know it, "bedtime" is 2:30 - 3:30am. I know the girls will be up at 6am (5am for Sweet Pea who I bring to our bed and coax back to sleep for another hour). What is going on here?! Am I stuck in some kind of "Twilight Zone" timewarp? And why am I writing this post at 2:40am anyway?

I must admit that I do have some excuses:
-it's actually QUIET in my house at this time of night
-the "rainy season" has started in California and I love to hear the rain on our roof & skylights
-Sweet Pea has been sick and waking up around 11pm then 4am (yes, I'm still breastfeeding
and, no, don't ask - I can't figure it out myself when this will all end but I hope it's soon)
-I'm actually trying to find time to follow one of my New Year's resolutions regarding
prayer/meditation and this appears to be the best time (I know - I'm stretching it with this one).

So all you parents out there who are sleep deprived or who have somehow put yourself on some type of yes-I-want-to-get-some-sleep-but-now-I-don't-know-how schedule. How did you get there and how did you/are you getting out? Please tell me there's hope for me!

HELP from a tired/rested/tired SAHM!

Hey kids, wait up!

Second chances. Everyone wants them but rarely gets them. Everyone knows that hindsight is 20/20 and there is little one can do to in the light of a new day to manufacture a different result. What better time to preform a little magic and create my own second chance than on Halloween?

Today is Tuesday, October 30, and tomorrow, KB and I actually get an opportunity to play Superman. Not because we're both dressing up for Halloween in matching blue body suits, red tights, and red capes - although it's quite a picture! Rather, it's more like we get to fly super-fast around and around the earth so it rotates in reverse thus turning back time to a point where we can actually make a difference in Poppy's Halloween this year.

Last year, our beloved Sweet Pea was born prematurely on October 12. She was actually due on November 20th. After spending some time at LPCH's NICU, she came home before Halloween - my beautiful little pumpkin. Needless to say, the difficult pregnancy and delivery left me out of the loop for Halloween, 2006. Luckily, daddy came to the rescue but there were obstacles we had not anticipated!